InsaneJournal

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Jack is a genius, or NOM NOM SALAD NOM.
This dressing is designed for a salad of kale, tomato, and cubanelle pepper, but you could easily substitute other greens and/or other accompanying vegetables. (You might also have to make other substitutions if you don't have these ingredients... but we highly recommend all of them.)



Dressing, wet ingredients:

1/3-1/2 cup Hellman's mayonnaise (Now, I know some of you can only get Best Foods, but that's okay. Miracle Whip is *right* out. Jack: "Miracle Whip is great for vandalizing the cars of people you dislike.")
1-1.5 tablespoons grapeseed oil (Hemp seed oil, olive oil, or a nut oil is acceptable. Something cold-pressed and full of nutrients that would be ruined by cooking.)
2-5 teaspoons Colavita White Balsamic Vinegar Glaze with White Truffle (A wonderfully affordable product with intense truffle flavor. You can, of course, if you're independently wealthy, make and flavor your own white balsamic vinegar with white truffles and the sugar of your choice.)
1-2 tablespoons white balsamic vinegar (Harder to find than the regular kind, but *so* worth looking for. Generally available in your upscale supermarkets, but you can often get better prices elsewhere.)
1 tablespoon chopped fresh or frozen chervil (To freeze fresh herbs effectively, chop them finely and pack the leaves into an ice cube tray. Add just enough water to *almost* cover all of the leaves, then store in freezer bag once frozen through. Label them immediately or FEEL THE PAIN.)
1.5 inch onion shoot, sliced finely (Now, this is a tough one, as you pretty much have to allow your onions to sprout on their own, and that requires far more luck than skill -- unless you're actually a farmer. You *can* substitute scallions, chives, Texas green onions, shallots, etc.... but they really are *substitutes*. Nothing comes close to the flavor of fresh onion shoots *except*, perhaps, for... fresh garlic shoots.)

Dry herbs, to taste (if using fresh herbs, you will need more):

1/4-1 teaspoon dried carrot tops (Making your own dried carrot tops is easy: Just buy a bunch of carrots with nice, fresh, green-looking tops. Cut the tops off, bundle them, and hang to dry. If you're in a very humid climate, spread the tops on a cookie sheet and place in 200 degree oven -- with the door cracked open -- for an hour, or however long it takes them to dry to brittleness. *Fresh* carrot tops are essentially inedible, but dry ones make an excellent substitute for *fresh* parsley. On that note, if you *have* fresh parsley -- *not* dried -- it is an acceptable substitute.)
A smidgen of dill (Smidgen is the "technical" term for anything less than 1/8 teaspoon.)
1/4-1 teaspoon savory
1/4-1 teaspoon tarragon
1/4-1 teaspoon thyme

Other ingredients:

2-4 tablespoons your choice of seeds and/or chopped nuts (We used a mix of hemp seeds and sesame seeds. Flax seeds also go quite well with kale salad, as do hazelnuts.)
4-6 large leaves of kale, minus ribs
1/2 tomato
1/2 -- or one small -- cubanelle pepper

Process:

1. Mix the wet ingredients in bowl large enough to contain and/or serve salad.
2. Dice the 1/2 tomato, adding the juicy/seedy parts to the wet ingredients.
3. Dice the pepper, and put it and tomato in a shallow dish.
4. Sprinkle cut surfaces of the tomato and pepper lightly but evenly with sea salt. (If you put it on the skin side it'll do no good at all.)
5. Allow salted vegetables to sit for at least 15 minutes but no more than an hour. Salt will draw the natural juices out of the vegetables and provide flavor for the dressing while thinning it out.
6. Add dry herbs to wet ingredients, rubbing each dry herb between your fingers or against your palm to release the essential oils as you're adding them.
7. Add nuts/seeds to the wet ingredients.
8. Once you see that your salted vegetables have released 1-2 tablespoons of liquid, add them and their liquid to the dressing.
9. Snip or tear your kale into bite-sized pieces, add.
10. Toss and serve.

Serves two people who love each other enough to share, or 3-4 people if it's accompanying a large meal. Now, I know this looked incredibly complicated, but it seriously only took us twenty minutes to make, not counting the break while the tomatoes and peppers pickled slightly. It is *delicious*, and will make your tummy smile. It's *also* kind of insanely healthy, and safe for people like Jack who are on a low oxalate diet.