All the things of the world
All the things of the world by Te September 17, 2006
Disclaimers: No one and nothing here is mine.
Spoilers/Timeline: GOTHAM KNIGHTS #43, and various AU-ized mentions of older storylines. Takes place about a year and a half after "The Killing Joke."
Summary: Batgirl probably shouldn't have a penis.
Ratings Note: Mostly harmless.
Author's Note: A porn prompt went awry on me again.
Acknowledgments: To Betty, Petra, and Jack for audiencing, encouragement, hand-holding, and helpful suggestions.
The uniform never feels better -- more *right* -- than when --
Well, when it shouldn't. For one reason or --
It's always the one reason, if he's going to be honest with himself.
The fact of the matter is, it was never supposed to be this *easy*. The greys and blues of the uniform were, of course, as well suited as anything to moving *subtly* through the Gotham night, but the golds --
The *yellows* --
His *wig* --
He is not supposed to be subtle, or watchful, or quiet, or any of the things which had always seemed so necessary to who he *was*. And while there is only one person about whom Tim is absolutely *sure* -- in terms of knowing the truth behind his careful, nightly camouflage...
The fact remains -- he's *good* at this. The heels are actually *easier* to move in at a run, a dancing skip that leads perfectly -- always perfectly -- into a kick. The cowl -- and the contact lenses -- hide everything important about his upper face, his lower is --
It's the only point of exposure. It *has* to be --
It's the *uniform* and even the *mission* --
It feels breathless to laugh like this as he runs for the bike, as he -- he's playing tag with Robin, *again*, and -- he's going to lose. Batgirl will.
The heels *will* catch if he's not careful, and it isn't -- none of this is *enough* of a game to justify that risk.
Robin has no such limitations, and it --
It's never easier to *be* this than when Robin catches him by the shoulder. Punching him too hard would mean unnecessary damage to his knuckles, for all that the gauntlets are far more armored than they used to be.
Robin's tunic is more armored, too.
And so the punch is as much of a tease as his smile, as the lipstick smeared across Robin's mouth -- he's won this, he's earned this.
The bike is trying to trip him, and Robin isn't especially -- Robin is never very *helpful* about things like this -- which is all the more reason (for certain values) to turn the kiss into a bite --
Even though Robin would've probably reacted differently to that if he wasn't Jason Todd --
"*Jesus*, *yes* --"
Still, the laughing shove is just right, too -- Batgirl knows what to do with an amorous Robin --
"Oh, God, come *on* --"
-- though he's reasonably sure Barbara had had to cross her arms over her chest, cock her hip, and raise *this* sort of eyebrow far less often.
It makes Robin -- Jason -- snort. And -- "God, sometimes you're just *like* her," he says.
Which is exactly as it should be, even though it *does* make Jason back off, makes Robin gesture with mocking solicitude toward Tim's bike just as if he *hadn't* been trying to bend him over it --
Even though Tim's back to feeling a little -- a *little* -- wrong again.
Jason wasn't trying to bend *him* over at all.
*
It's easier back in the Clocktower. It's easier once he's back in the old blast-tunnels that Oracle had had converted, once the sound of the bike's engine is rippling and echoing off reinforced concrete, just as if Oracle would ever need more warning than the tracers on the suit -- and subcutaneously within Tim's left thigh and over his right shoulder-blade.
The bike is Batgirl's to the core, and it's as right as anything, everything --
It hadn't been this confusing, once.
The reports are half-done -- or more -- via the expediency of the wireless on his palm-top and Oracle's own feeds through the cowl. Tim kicks out of the heels, curls his toes until the knuckles crack a little, and finishes them, neatly and thoroughly.
When he's done, he strips out of the rest of the uniform, scratching at his sweat-damp buzz-cut and not thinking about -- any of it.
He can feel Oracle's frown reflecting back off one of the monitors she's working with, and he doesn't know what to do with it.
Batgirl is supposed to be -- very fond of Robin. Batgirl probably shouldn't have a penis. Tim finishes dressing in his civvies and lets himself snort, a little. It's -- it's not really his fault.
*Robin* isn't supposed to try all that hard to get past first base. There are -- there should be -- rules. It doesn't --
*Nothing* works without rules, without rhythms, and it's not that Tim is especially superstitious -- he believes in what he's *seen*, and in that which can be proven. There has always been a kind of magic in the more esoteric areas of abnormal psychology, a kind of mystery to the troubled mind which could be banked, led, guided, *controlled* --
By the application of sigil, and symbol, and faith. Tim stares at his hands --
"*Were* you planning on talking about it, Tim?"
His hands make so much more sense in the gauntlets. "It's nothing new, Oracle."
She doesn't respond so much as hum. He can't *hear* her steepling her fingers and letting her head fall to the side in thought, but he knows it, just the same. He --
He gives up, for all intents and purposes, and joins her at the computers. The wheels on her chair have just the right cant for leaning, if one is in a certain kind of crouch. He has time to just -- stay here, for a little while.
If he were to clutch at the toes of his trainers and use the muscles of his thighs to rock -- he wouldn't be able to lean.
Though it would be infinitely more Batgirl. And it's --
It is, actually, one of the questions he's never asked. There are a great deal of things, a great range of *motion* which Oracle -- Barbara -- is denied, but when she's Barbara and he's Tim, he's *still* far more Batgirl than she is.
Batgirl may not actually be physically capable of a finger- steeple. He wants to know -- now more than at any other time -- what Barbara had *done* with Batgirl. Where she'd gone before he'd all but shoved himself into her life and demanded her return.
The world needed Oracle. Gotham needed -- well.
"You could tell him."
"I --"
"*Dick* knew my identity long before I knew his," she says, and types something rapidly before pausing, and resting one hand on the back of Tim's neck.
Tim pushes against it.
"Certainly, the idea that *Bruce* might not know who you are is -- entirely laughable."
Though not, of course, the sort of laugh which had anything to do with *humor*... and thus not a laugh which Batgirl could make. By the nebulous rules of -- their nebulous *life*, they're chasing Batgirl away with every moment.
And he --
Can't. "That's never seemed -- right, Barbara."
"It's not something I was fond of, no, but, Tim --"
"I -- I *hate* it," he says, and twists away from the chair, from the touch, to stand. The trainers don't click against Oracle's floor, the soles aren't slick enough to *encourage* the way he wants to move --
"Tim --"
But his hands are on his hips just the same, and it feels...
"Oh... Batgirl," Oracle says, and her laugh is rueful and proud and correct.
He is what she made him. And -- "Let him figure it *out* if he needs to know. I -- I don't belong to them," he says, and --
There was a time when it was -- *embarrassing* to be like this, to toss hair he doesn't have, to show quite this many teeth, to call attention to his lack of hips, to thrust his flat chest out just *so* --
"I'll just... "
-- to speak without a *plan*, without --
"Robin -- *Jason* -- could use a little shock. A little *surprise* --"
"A little Crying Game...?" Barbara is resting her cheek on one scarred fist, tucking the fading calluses into invisibility.
Tim makes a very particular face. "If he reaches down my tights -- he deserves what he gets," he says, and leans in to kiss the soft and -- faintly -- shocked laughter off Oracle's mouth.
The lipstick smear is really just right --
Until he remembers that it isn't.
"I should apologize, I know," Oracle says, and rolls toward the face-cloths and cold cream. "But you really are adorable when you forget to lose the makeup."
It's -- entirely true. Still. "Shall I let you explain that to my father sometime...?"
And the smile is sharp and cold and perfect. For Oracle.
*
Robin's his backup tonight, and Tim suspects there had been just as many awkwardly unspoken conversations about that in the Batcave as there'd been awkwardly *spoken* ones in the Clocktower.
Still, it's Robin, and it's Jason, and he's completely casual about correcting Tim's stances and provocative leans, and his fingers are deft and steady when he makes Tim's makeup just that much trashier.
The wig --
He's wearing one, of course, he always is, it's just that this time it's long and curly and dark. It makes him feel a bit like a dirty-and-overachieving q-tip, despite the fact that it's absolutely perfect for concealing the fact that he doesn't, actually, have long red hair under it.
Robin always handles the prostitutes, unless he absolutely *needs* back-up.
Robin -- is absolutely terrible at undercover.
The fact that Tim doesn't want Jason thinking too deeply about how good *he* is at it -- is irrelevant. The man they're after leaves the young, dark-haired girls alive, but that isn't saying very much at all.
Two of them still haven't regained consciousness. And --
It's *that* anger, Tim thinks, that lets him be easy in his own skin even though Jason had spent the better part of an hour all but crowding him against walls, touching and *moving* him, directing --
Tim recognizes his own kinks, and shoves them under Batgirl, and shoves Batgirl under Tammi-with-an-eye-only- not-the-kind-that's-winking-at-you-handsome, and waits for the triple-tap that tells him Robin's removed every other girl of their target's type from this particular stroll, and... makes his entrance.
The heels are about two inches taller than his usual and lack the needle-like stilettos Tim's come to honestly, openly love, but there's no objective difference. He has to work to teeter a little, to keep his eyes just that wide, to pretend to forget to work his -- naturally -- skinny hips --
To pretend to remember.
"That's it," Robin -- Jason -- says, unnecessarily, over the comm.
Tim lets the face he wants to make become something softer and younger and vulnerable.
"Fuck, you look seriously *starved* in that outfit, BG."
Jason likes them padded. Like Batgirl. Like -- no.
"I still don't see why Junior Malone couldn't have been pimping you out," he says, and it's all the irritation and frustration which he hadn't been showing -- in any clear way -- when Tim was close enough to touch, and when Batgirl had been able to respond.
Tim shakes his head internally and finds a light-post --
"Too bright, BG. You're cop-bait."
-- and finds another.
"That's it. Jesus, you have to be freezing in that."
The hot-pants cover more -- area -- than Jason's shorts, but Tim knows that isn't the point. And yet -- still. He plants his palms firmly on his hips, fingerless gloves catching and scratching, cheap material on cheaper -- switch, switch.
Jason's laugh in his ear is rueful and appreciative. "Point freaking taken. Still, *you* still have functional nerve-endings in the skin there... God. Do you always shave? Do you ever?"
There is no gesture Tammi could make which would properly express Batgirl's response to that question.
"Yeah... I'm totally perving on your thighs. It could be worse -- I've actually *seen* your thighs once or twice --"
In glimpses, the inevitable uniform damage -- one particular bomb-blast that had come very close to singeing the gaff. Tim doesn't shave his *legs* very often, but...
"Whereas this is totally the first time I've seen your belly- button, BG. I formally request -- I *demand* forgiveness. You know how hot you are."
Tammi can blush. Tammi can use her cheap little purse to hide her cheap little belly from the view of passers-by -- and then remember, and move it away --
"When are you gonna let me *really* kiss you? When are you gonna let me know your *name*?"
Every night, when he's alone except for the comm, the tracers, the fading welts from the boning on his bra, the armor over that, the need for support -- the *lack* of need --
"Have you ever wanted to know mine?"
He -- looks. He can't help it. Just a glance toward the only rooftop in de-cel swing distance that's shadowed enough to hide Jason, hide *Robin*. Just --
"BG..."
The mascara is thicker, heavier -- literally -- than his usual. The lipstick is waxy and wrong, the -- he should look away.
"Yeah, I -- hey..."
The tone is enough of a warning, but --
"Right about four o'clock and closing. He's in his forties, he's built like military, and his knuckles are shot to shit."
-- it's not that Tim doesn't appreciate the rest.
"Jesus, I -- just. Just get him to own up, a little. I don't care if he gets arrested or *not* -- *none* of the older pros would ever have let a fuck like this get close. Fucking baby- raper --"
Tammi turns at the *fourth* scuff of boot-heels on the sidewalk. Tammi blinks up at the man -- the prospective *customer*, and starts to take a step back -- the man's very close --
"Come on, come on --"
Tammi doesn't have someone urging violence in her ear, Tammi's all alone, and Tammi can't back off at all.
Sends the wrong message.
"Like -- like what you see, Mister?"
"Yeah, that 'mister' is a little much. But keep going," Jason says.
The man -- doesn't say a word, but his stare is Batman's fucked-up second cousin's. Tammi should --
Tammi breathes a little faster, and clutches her cheap little bag. "It's free to *look*, but -- dot, dot, dot," she says, and smiles nice and sharp. Or it would be, if it reached her eyes.
"Where," the man says --
"There's a nice little hotel -- real cheap --"
"Like you?"
Tammi would blush. Tim settles for slipping back a little into the shadows, closer to the alley. "I --"
"*I* think this alley's just fine," the man says --
"That's one from the witness statements --"
"Don't you, babycakes?"
"And that's two --"
"I -- I don't know," Tammi says, and the smile is sickly and a little entreating, a little sad. "The hotel's really --"
Three is the man's hand on his shoulder, spinning him around. Four is when one hand becomes two, and the shove might *not* be five, but it's close enough for government work.
Leg-sweeps are challenging backwards, from this position, but the man -- the *perp* -- isn't expecting it, and Tim's had a lot of practice.
It's enough to make him stagger and loosen his grip, and thus enough for Batgirl to spin into a punch that breaks the man's nose -- and spins the *perp* right into the path of Jason's boots.
The crunch announces the sound of several broken teeth and -- perhaps -- a busted jaw.
It's enough to take pretty much all of the fight out of the guy -- they both know that was more of a flail than an attempt to strike back -- but.
It's not enough for Jason.
Which is --
It's almost a shame that Jason isn't *smaller*, or weaker, or less well-trained, otherwise it would take more than two kicks to take out five (six?) of the perp's ribs, and it's.
He's not Batman, and Batgirl *sympathizes*, but Jason is Robin and Tim needs that enough that he can get Jason into a half-nelson for *long* enough to tell him to stop. Beg him --
"Fuck -- BG, let *go* --"
If Jason drops into the crouch his thighs are threatening with every flex, he could throw Tim like a ragdoll. At the very least, his wig wouldn't stay even. "*Robin*," he says, and tries not to think about how much the Batgirl voice is *slipping* --
And then just focuses on keeping his balance when Jason tosses him to the *side*.
"Fuck --"
"Oh, *fuck*," Jason says, and catches him by the waistband of his hot-pants.
This is less than conducive to balance, but Tim's willing to go with the idea of the thought counting. Especially since Jason *yanks* his hand out of Tim's pants and steadies him by the hips, instead -- and then the shoulders. "Robin --"
"BG, I'm sorry, I'm so --"
"It's okay --"
"Really fucking *not* --"
At their feet, the perp is trying to get up -- and then he isn't, because Tammi's cheap little purse is just large enough to hold the remnants of an old Crime Alley -- Park Row -- cobblestone.
"Or -- that," Jason says, and laughs, and covers his mouth, and laughs harder.
His boots leave bloody smears when he stumble-walks over to lean against the wall, and the comm is about three millimeters from falling out of his ear, and Batgirl thinks he's the most beautiful thing she's ever seen, the bravest and stupidest and youngest and most perfect --
Tammi would trip over the body between them, but Tammi *really* would've run screaming -- perhaps literally -- once the fighting started, and --
And Tammi isn't *here*, and Tim shouldn't be, and it's the point, isn't it? He's *Batgirl*, and that's all that matters. That's --
"God, I -- you know I'd never --"
That's everything, because Batgirl *does* know, just like how she knows that the man-shaped animal at her feet never would've done a day in prison, because underaged hookers don't do that well in court when they *do* show up -- when they bother to press charges.
"I -- Batgirl. BG...?"
Batgirl already knows Jason's name, but she wants to -- Tim wants to --
Batgirl knows Jason tastes like the bitten inside of his own cheek, that his hands are big enough to make her feel as young as Tammi, or maybe Tim, that Robin is smart enough to push-pull-kiss them back into the alley, that no Tammi will be beaten and raped and beaten again in this alley tonight, that this is the real kiss Jason was talking about, because even Batgirl can't laugh for all of them.
Tim can't even gasp. Not even when Jason breaks the kiss to laugh for both of them.
"Sometimes -- sometimes I think B knows when I'm close to the edge. Because that's when there's *you*, when he brings you in, or sends me to you, or -- I *need* you. I needed you, and you were right there, even though I thought you never would be again -- fuck, BG, I don't even know what I'm talking about --"
"Garzonas?" Tim asks, because Tim's an idiot --
But Jason only snorts again, and bangs his head lightly against Tim's forehead, and "yeah," he says. "Yeah."
"She -- misses you, too. You could come to the Clocktower -- more often," he says, and blushes like Batgirl never would, Batgirl wouldn't *dream* of it, but Batgirl doesn't have to *hide* when Jason comes over --
"Yeah, I should. Because -- and -- I mean. You're not her."
"No. I -- Robin --"
"Jason," he says, and doesn't give Tim time for anything, even hesitation, before kissing him again, slow and hard. Kissing --
Kissing the girl behind the cowl.
*
"I'm reasonably sure I didn't send you out to put a man in traction and make out with Robin in an alley," Oracle says, and -- looks at him. Looks...
Tim smiles ruefully -- weakly -- and tugs the wig off.
"God, your mouth looks like --"
"Robin hit it repeatedly with his own...?"
Oracle -- Barbara -- snorts and wheels closer. The uniform is in her lap, the -- correct -- lipstick on top. "If it wasn't so ugly out there tonight..."
Tim nods and strips the rest of the way. He feels about as fit for duty as the cheap spike heels -- possibly the one that's already broken -- in the storage compartment on the bike. He'd had to ride home barefoot. Mostly.
Jason had taped his feet.
("God, of course your toenails match your lipstick -- you -- heh. Your *real* lipstick.")
Once he's suited up -- Jason had done a good enough job that Barbara has to *cut* the tape off -- he feels a little better. A little more --
"C'mon, Tim, stretch a little first."
Oracle watches him silently, frowning at the strain he can't hide in his side -- Jason's *toss* -- and nodding when he can pull himself out of it a little. The heels click on the tile, and Tim doesn't know who he is, exactly, when he wraps his arms around Oracle instead of just kissing her, kissing the last layer of gratuitous shine off his lipstick. He --
He buries his face against her neck and hugs her hard and, after a moment, she hugs him right back, and she doesn't make any more Crying Game jokes, so Tim doesn't have to play it back at her --
Batgirl doesn't have to do a damned thing, of course, except for her job.
Tim leaves the heels where they are when she rides.
*
Tim stops being sure where the line is -- was -- when Jason crowds her against a high-*enough* balustrade and Robin kisses an apology where the edge of his cape had whipped a stripe over Batgirl's bare cheek in the wind.
If Jason pushes any harder, Tim will fall, and Batgirl will wrench her shoulder in the efforts -- possibly futile -- to save her life. The fall isn't quite far enough, and there's not enough room --
There's not enough room for anything in Jason's kisses, in the scars on his thighs she can't feel well *enough* through her gauntlets, in the muscle and heat and *press*.
In the knowledge that Robin's gauntlet on her midriff is somewhere between a promise and a --
"Just -- *please*," Jason says, and the other hand is keeping her from falling over the side, and Jason is *pressing*. It's hard to breathe and it's incredibly hard to care.
It's cold enough that Jason's cheek is warm against her own, that the flush on her face has to feel the same way to him, and --
If there are rules for this, Tim doesn't know them.
"I want --"
"Just as much as *I* do," Jason says, and between Batgirl's cape and Robin's own, there'd be enough cushion on this rooftop for anything -- everything --
Or there would be, if Jason didn't catch Tim's hands before he could -- she --
"I'm thinking. I'm thinking you need to decide what you want. And -- what you want me to know."
It says too much that he's fully forty seconds -- possibly more -- into the next kiss before that *registers*, and it says even more than that when he can't stop. Even when he realizes that the only reason his legs aren't spread is the fact that Jason's straddling him, that Batgirl wouldn't stand for anything of the kind, that --
"God, you --"
All Batgirl needs to do is kiss Jason again, because Jason's wanted her for years, if not quite before Tim ever knew his name. All she needs to --
All he needs to --
"Fuck, *Jason*," and it's a growl because Batgirl *can't* and it's a whisper because Tim can, and neither of them are right now, neither of them *fit*.
It's a costume, right down to Tim's bones, or maybe further than that. It's colored contact lenses and the way they always, *always* itch a little, it's the haircut that makes his stepmother leave U.S. Army pamphlets around when his father isn't paying attention, the haircut he needs for the *wig*, it's the camera that feels like a toy in his hands now, and the fact that 'Batgirl' wouldn't have worked a fraction so well if 'Tim Drake' was anyone other than a mask.
It's -- Jason, and the look on his face that's calm and steady and clear, and never mind the fact that he's got -- someone -- pinned to the roof and this close to begging.
Tim's mouth is cold, and the lipstick on Jason's cheek --
Could really be a better shade for his coloring.
It's -- some variety of better that the laughter is making Jason look confused. And a little pissed-off, especially since Tim isn't sure he could put a *gender* -- much less a name -- to the laugh if -- he tried. Just... "How long?" Tim asks, when he can breathe again. "How long have you known?"
Jason glares a little more, and lets Tim go, and kneels up. "I think the -- heh -- thought process was pretty much 'how come no one else notices that the new Batgirl is a dude?' followed by 'how come no one cares Batgirl is a dude?' followed by 'okay, so we're just not talking about it. Maybe she's saving up for the op.'"
Which -- ah. Tim sits up, bracing on the light padding at the elbows of the Batgirl suit. "I thought -- I'd done better than that."
Jason shrugs. "Some weeks I work with you more than I work with Batman. I just -- everybody *else* is letting you roll with it, do your thing, and you're..." Jason shakes his head and stands, and Tim doesn't reach --
Tim doesn't reach.
"I had this whole thing in my head where the next time I got you *like* this -- up against a wall, wedged between me and your bike, whatever, I'd just -- tell you I didn't *care*, but that's not. It's not the truth."
Tim doesn't close his eyes. "I don't... know how to apologize. I --"
"See, I think I would've noticed if you'd promised me a vagina, BG."
Which is true.
"Or -- anything." And Jason's laughing again. "See, part of me *knows* you were about to just -- give it up. The rest of me...?"
"Yes?"
The smile on Jason's face is Robin, and it --
It's the same thing as always, the same thing that makes it right, the same *feeling* to use the reinforced heels to -- Batgirl doesn't ever *just* stand up. This is kind of a roll, all about the strength he'd spent months building in his thighs, working until it was even more obvious how narrow his hips were, until the padding had to be just that *good*, until he didn't look like --
Until he wasn't --
"Yeah, *that*," Jason says, and Robin's stroking Batgirl's belt just lightly enough to avoid a slap, ducking his head and letting his hair fall over his face in something that would be endearing without the blank *sharp* of his domino's lenses to make it --
"Robin," he says, in a voice too unfamiliar to have a name, but --
"BG."
-- maybe it isn't. For Jason.
"Because that *is* you, to the -- heh -- bone," he says, and slips two fingers between the belt and Tim's abdomen.
It's a pull, not a yank, hard and slow enough that Tim can work his hips for the two steps it takes to close the distance, for Jason's hair to whisper against the cowl.
"That reminds me --"
"Tell me."
"We haven't -- B and I -- told Nightwing your little --" And Jason doesn't reach between Tim's legs. It's just -- potential. "Secret. Do me a favor and don't even -- hell, *is* it a secret? Really?"
It's a good question, and Batgirl doesn't really have a smile for it, and neither does Tim, whoever that is. It's just --
"It's one thing if you're just... shit, what *are* you doing?"
He doesn't -- Tim doesn't *know* --
("What? That it wasn't while I was in the suit? That it wasn't Batgirl? I -- maybe it should've been -- if the word 'should' isn't an obscenity in and of itself. The things Batgirl *did*, never thinking too far ahead, never planning -- the crap she *pulled*. It's -- better that it wasn't. Even though it shouldn't be. Something has to be okay in this city. Something has to be... but you already know that, don't you?")
"*Are* you saving up? Waiting to be legal? Am I gonna go to grope you one day and hit something real behind that bat? Am I already? Jesus, I just wanna *know*," Jason says, and this time it's more than just potential behind the reach.
It's -- *more*, and Tim knows it even before Jason's fingers reach the catches at his side, and Batgirl knew it even sooner --
"Okay, *ow* --"
It's just a twist -- Robin's gauntlets took most of the force, leaving -- just enough.
"Jesus, what --"
And -- Robin is very, very good, which is why Batgirl has any number of weapons and skills that aren't -- at all -- obvious in terms of the repertoire of the average non-metahuman vigilante. Tim doesn't *know*, but --
By the feel, there's enough lipstick left on Tim's mouth to make the smile as wide and bright as it should be, wide and bright enough that Jason doesn't reach until Tim's *three* steps back --
"Oh, no, you're *not* --"
Until Tim can laugh and run -- backwards, until he can crouch and bend enough. Until Jason's fingers can *just* brush the bat --
And his midriff --
And the belt --
And one thigh --
As Tim flips back and over, and twists, and shoots --
As Batgirl flies.
"God *dammit*, BG --"
"Tag," Tim says.
Over the comm.
end.
More notes:
I realized in editing that what made me hesitate with this one -- even more than the unbelievable levels of schmoop -- was the fact that cutting out what would've been, ultimately, the first six thousand words of this story meant cutting out the little piece of meta that is hugely important to me. To wit:
The fact that I've honestly come to believe that everything was about as fine as it could be for Bruce-and-Jason and Batman-and-Robin right up until "The Killing Joke." That -- this space we have no canon for, this stretch of *time* (six months? More?) between Babs getting shot and the "A Death in the Family" was probably hugely important to Bruce and Jason's relationship, and thus to, well, Jason's *fate*.
The Garzonas incident *should* have been huge, but we know full well that it really wasn't -- after all, Bruce doesn't so much as make Jason take a damned night *off*, despite the fact that he honestly doesn't know if Jason committed *murder*. It'd be one thing if it was toonverse -- anyway, dead horse.
Basically, I've decided that *Jason* realized that Garzonas should've been huge, and it poisoned things inside him enough that the Batman/Robin *thing* got poisoned, and then Batgirl gets shot -- *Babs* gets shot, and --
Well, it had to be really clear to Jason that a) no, it's *not* a game, and b) Bruce apparently hasn't figured that out for himself, *Batman* hasn't, so... what's a fucked-up fifteen year old boy to do if not say 'fuck it' and spiral his way down into some extra self-destructive behavior?
Especially if Babs has closed herself off and is busy *hurting* -- or busy becoming Oracle *away* from the Lost Boys (insert mad love for GK #43 here), and Dick is still in metatextual limbo focused too much on the Titans...
Anyway. I played with the idea that if Babs went really *hardcore* about cutting herself off, then Dick would come back and things would settle down for Bruce, Jason, *and* Dick, but, you know, what if one day, years in the past, a young boy with a yen for research met the world's most fabulous librarian who just happened to also be Batgirl? She fights crime with Batman and Robin! And she's a LIBRARIAN!!!!11!
Gotham *needs* a Batgirl. And while it made sense for Tim to wait months after Jason's death in canon to seek Dick (and, by extension, Bruce) out -- well. The medical reports were clear. Babs *couldn't* be Batgirl anymore.
That little fucker would find her in the *hospital*.
And, with a little spackle and the helpful utter lack of concrete canon for just how much time exists between TKJ and DitF...
Well, maybe one night when Jason was feeling lower than low, wondering what his world would've been like if he'd had a mother who didn't die...
Maybe he saw a red-haired apparition kicking and dancing her way through the world, and things looked a little brighter.
Maybe. ;-)
ZOMG BATGIRL/ROBIN 4EVAH
One of the things that made me take so long to post this was the fact that I've gotten into the habit of tagging things by genre (gen, het, slash, femslash, slash-and-het), and I kind of hit a wall here. Because. Uh.
This isn't slash. Or het. Not in my head, anyway.
*eyes Tim*
Well! Now that I've (mostly) stopped dancing around and finally written a story where I was *sure* that the Tim in question was trans (as opposed to *kinda* sure), maybe I'll make a new tag. As soon as I figure out what it should be. *snort*